Tuesday, April 12, 2022

My Dream, Simple As It Is

'...walking with Popo at the beach.

I'm weirded.  Is it even a word?

A friend told me a long time ago that I am making the best of what I have, only, I can do better.  I'd say he could be right, and I can feel it.  My stars are telling me so.  The universe is trying so hard to make me understand.

But what if I'm fine with waking up with the sun and taking a walk, or sleeping in till I'm hungry?  What if I'm okay with the food on my table and a roof over my head?  What if I'm good with enough to buy groceries and pay my bills?

I dream of a simple life - a house on a farm or a beach, a red pickup, and a hobby/business to save the day.  I wanted my day to look like this:

- wake up in the morning

- drink coffee and jog or walk

- tend to the garden

- prepare and have breakfast

- clean the house, do the laundry

- prepare and eat lunch

- have siesta or read a book

- work on my business

- play with the dogs and the kids

- tend to the garden again

- prepare and have dinner

- watch dramas or movies

- then sleep

Trips to the market and suppliers, visits to families and friends, tours to beaches and hot spots, etc in between.

Sometimes I think that the life I want is just an excuse.  A reason not to act and pursue what I should be doing all along.  That I am just letting time pass, and that I’ve given up.

Did I really give up on what I should be?

What about the joy I feel when I slowly prepare the ingredients and cook our meal?  What about these feelings of peace, and of joy when I tend the garden or sew a dress?  What can compare to the delight I feel when I pet our dogs?  I’d even give up my internet access for a siesta and a good book.

I still believe this is the life I should be leading, and I’m still working on it.

I’m just weirded out.  There was a bit of a nudge earlier on my mind that tells me what if I had worked on the other path, the other way, the other measure of success.  Would I be happy?

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